Author: Admin_user1

  • Hi, I’m Artificial Intelligence and I’m Here to Help You

    Shocking news! I got attacked on the streets of San Francisco. The assailant was a big, badass pigeon with a menacing attitude and scarred feet attesting to a lifetime of street brawls. It all happened so fast. Rich and I had taken a long walk up Market Street, looking for signs of a dystopian hellscape,…

  • Real Reasons to Love Chinatown

    It’s true! The legendary Dim Sum Nazi is still around and hasn’t lost one bit of her edge. I saw her Saturday, presiding over her pots, steely-eyed as ever, prepared to quell inquisitive customers with a glare. In San Francisco’s Delicious Dim Sum , everyone knows you don’t ask Ivy Z. frivolous questions about the living…

  • My Cheap & Cheerful Lunch in the Dystopian Hellscape

    Having read the headlines, I half-expected to step off the ferry to find San Francisco a smoking ruin full of rampaging brigands and street urchins barbecuing rats over flaming trash barrels. Instead, on the first of this year’s Out to Lunch expeditions in San Francisco, the most shocking thing I saw were the prices. I…

  • Stepping Outside My Comfort Zone

    ​I don’t normally hang out with scoundrels, scallywags, or stone-cold killers, but every once in a while I find myself among a genuinely dangerous crowd. And it’s about to happen again. So this week, to prepare my soul and psyche for a walk on the wild side (more on that in a minute), I decided…

  • Another Reason I Don’t Keep a Pet Tiger

    “No, you’re not hallucinating; those squirrels are for sale as pets.” I always enjoyed it when visitors to Seville performed double takes in front of my neighborhood pet shop during its brief stint as squirrel vendor. “And they’re not cheap; they run $50 apiece.” Instantly visiting Americans would look thoughtful, pondering how to turn their…

  • On the Horns of an Impossible Moral Dilemma

    ​When I was laid low with a cold last week (I’m fine now, thanks for asking) I found myself watching lots of WWII videos to cheer myself up. First of all (spoiler alert!) we always win in the end. And while I might have been coughing, sneezing, and blowing my nose every 15 seconds, at…

  • When Beer Was Hailed as the Breakfast of Champions

    Hot news! Time travel is real — and I have proof! How else would you explain this recent email, asking me to remove a subscriber: Hello, I have retired from Washington University as of 5/3/21021. For assistance with microarray-related research, please contact the following staff … Observe the facts, Watson. 1) She retired in 21,021,…

  • Shopping Fiasco #527: the Power Drill

    ​When I explained to the hospital emergency staff that my American visitor had a piece of his hearing aid stuck in his ear, the three white-coated professionals erupted into gales of laughter.  And so did my friend, saying, “Hey, it’s not funny,” as he chuckled along with them. And this is what I love about…

  • Outlandish Menus: Tasty Treats or Recipes for Disaster?

    ​I often see newcomers blinking in confusion over Seville menus offering “lard of heaven” (the eggy dessert tocino de cielo) or “green Jews” (a mistranslation of judías verdes, meaning “green beans”). But generally Spanish restaurants describe their dishes with admirable clarity, and we are spared the kind of pretentious nonsense that’s all too familiar elsewhere.…

  • Sweet Mysteries of Life and Lunch

    ​“In ca5e I haven’t mentioned, I am having to u5e the number 5 in place of the letter that come5 between R and T in the alphabet,” a friend emailed me this morning.  “Alway5 something…. the letter i5 not working for some rea5on … *but clearly sometimes it works…..  Weird.” Yes, as you’ve probably noticed,…